Jason and I have just started reading together John Piper's book
Future Grace. The first chapter was on faith - something I've been lacking and wrestling with lately. I feel like I'm roaming the wilderness wondering if I'll really see the Promised Land. Piper discusses the misconception that faith is the response (obedience) of our gratitude to God for what He's done for us. If true, this would then make faith a
work on our part. Instead, faith is God's
past grace moving us
to trust in His
future grace. It reminds me of the Old Testament when God instructs Abraham and the Israelites to build altars of stones whenever God shows himself faithful. This is so they will REMEMBER God's faithfulness to them in the past so
to move them to continue to trust in His future faithfulness. The Lord knew that they would feel abandoned, that they would moan and complain, and want to
go back - to Egypt (of all places!), to
slavery - when times got tough. The altars served as symbols of Yahweh's goodness and grace to His covenant people. He
was good, he
was faithful, and he
will be. I have failed to look back at the Lord's past grace in my life and thus lack faith in his grace to me today and in the future. I'm struggling to trust him with my future, with my heart...Does he really have my best in mind? Does he know the desires of my heart? If he does, does he even care? Will my dreams ever come true? Will he provide the finances for Jason to go to school? What does it look like to be his child and follower in every day life, when push comes to shove? To some of these, I know the answers, and to others I have yet to learn.
So here is my altar to Yahweh.
He has shown his faithfulness and grace to me in these...
- He is steadfast love
- He is long suffering (never giving up on me)
- He is forgiveness
- His salvation
- Jason, my beloved
- 1.5 years of marriage
- full-time jobs in Denver
- my Spanish teaching job
- our car (low gas mileage)
- my bike (to get to work)
- our apartment
- my friends here (Juli, Janice, Erin, Seana, Kendra, Stacy, Rebecca)
- my family
- Denver Community Church
- good health
- restful sleep
- 4 free trips to Portland
- Skype (to talk and see Noemi in Spain)
- upcoming trip to Australia (to spend time w/Jason's mom)
and so much more.
Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.
4 comments:
Nomo, you brought tears to my eyes! my heart aches with you...appreciate your transparency. know i am praying for you and jason--for clarity, and peace and contentment. i couldn't help but think of the saying GOD IS GOOD, and ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!! LOVE YOU TONS!! wish i could give you a hug right now!!! love, TWIN
i'm glad to read your explanation of faith. it was convicting to me and gave hope. it brough three or four memories to mind of specific times when God was there for me, really there.
maybe i will write them down and put them somewhere obvious, eh?
Naomi, thanks so much for sharing your heart. Your words really ministered to me. I find myself lately trying to remember (creating an altar of sorts, I suppose) all the ways that God has been faithful to me, and the many blessings I have had in my near half-century of life. God bless you as you and my son continue on this journey. Love you much, Mom Heidi
GOOD IS GOD! GOOD IS GOD ALL THE TIME! YOU LOVE TONS!
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