Our future in Spain

Here is a letter that we wrote to our dear friends in Basque Country updating them on our current plans/thoughts of returning to Spain some day. Thought you'd like to read it too as you know how much Spain is our hearts...

Kaixo!

The whole topic of Spain for us is very difficult to decipher -much more- explain it to other people. The hesitancy that I have is not with the question of Spain, specifically Basque; that for us is clear. The question is more the nature of any desire I have for us to be there mixed with the -I believe- God instilled passions and skill sets that we have as individuals as well as a couple. In some ways it’s like an exam. The obvious questions you finish first, get them out of the way and move on to the harder ones. The ones that I am stuck on, that don't seem to have obvious answers are:

-We're missionaries, but are we traditional ones? And does that even mean over seas?

-I'm a teacher, but of biblical truths in ministry or of academics in a school/college setting that’s not Christian while still being a part of the churches mission/community?

-I'm intrigued by the Basque culture and people, but is that merely an interest like I'm interested in other cultures, or is it a God given drive to see this specific people know Him; something that I will work tirelessly for until my death? Or is it more general, in that there's no specific geological and cultural call as much as it is a drive for humanity as a whole to know Him, which can be done anywhere with out a specific "calling"?

There are more, but these are the ones for me that I have no real answer to, and, maybe, I need to be o.k. with having no answers right now.

But I am really torn. Since I began to follow Christ, I have fallen in love with the study and teaching of scripture, and I believed that if anyone has any passion for the word and teaching it, that they by necessity need to be in ministry. It was inseparable to me and inconceivable that such a person would not be in "ministry". That being said, the thought of not being a traditional missionary contradicts a pattern of thought that I have had for many years, and to imagine something other than that immediately flags a warning sign of heresy (humor intended).

How this is affecting our course to Spain is in a few ways. The heaviest issue on my heart is education. But in what? As weird as it feels to say, it’s not in biblical studies that I feel a pull to. Its Secular Literature and History. This is an important fact about me. I think that through these two areas of study, we can learn more about us and the world and God than through just a Biblical education. The Humane Sciences have been secular, but what if a Christ impassioned professor teaches these areas of study? I happened to have had such a prof. in junior college and it was in her class that my world was turned up side down. That being said, do I study with the intent and purpose of getting a job in Spain, or the US? Well, if I plan on missions, such as working with BIDAIA or planting a church and mentoring leaders etc. then does it really matter? Couldn't I just go to school anywhere and take as long as I want? Practically, yes. But I don't have peace with just any education, just anywhere and eternally. The prospect of Spain has begun to loom, not inspire and to weigh on me, not enthuse. These words are very difficult to write in that I have not said them to anyone besides Naomi, and that was this week. I can’t imagine life without Spain in it, but it’s the nature of being in and a part of Spain that is changing, not the interest with the country and culture.

With all that said, one question has been answered: I am a teacher, and believe in a need for God fearing Christians to be more a part of secular education both here in the US and in Spain.

So, as to the question of studying in the Basque country part-time; I don't feel that this is a good move for us right now. Initially, I was thrilled at the possibility, but what this possibility arose were the really hard questions I had not yet begun to wrestle with as a person in Christ. A B.A. in Humanities from the Basque Country does not give me any avenues here in the US and limits me in any post-grad work here also. This is important because we are not sure anymore that Spain is a place of permanence for us as missionaries. That’s an entirely different email, and I already feel bad for taking as long as I have in this one.

The plan for now is to keep course to finish school here in the next 3-4 years, and then after that, I want to consider post-grad work in Basqueland because I am really intrigued by Basque literature and history and would in fact love to be a part of a church there. But I am no longer certain that that means being a paid missionary at that church, but rather an integral part of the community through being a post-grad student and possibly a teacher.

One last piece I need to get through is to be transparent about my fears and frustrations. I have just reread the letter and I hear familiar voices in my head asking me sincere questions about the pursuits I mentioned:

"Jason, you seem really bent on your education and less focused on the Great Commission, more focused on your personal agenda and not Gods eternal plan. Your degree will not be eternal, but your work for Gods kingdom is. Aren't you getting the cart and the horse flipped? Spain has been a big part of your and your wife's dream, why are you willing to forfeit that?"

These questions loom heavily over me and I am honestly scared of making a decision that disappoints my Father and that hinders His plan for us. Yet, here’s where I have peace: I believe that His plan is revealed within His people individually; and as a married couple, these come together with mutual sacrifice and understanding to be best used in a unity of diversity. I realize that I’m very Existential in saying this: God’s plan is a personal revelation and not a corporate one; not algebraic in cut and dry pieces, but very subjective and personal; that the Great Commission is designed to fit the unique makeup, skills and passions of individuals in Christ –It’s a mission statement, not a missional model. This perspective, which I believe to be true, allows me to study freely in a secular school and work a secular job in any nation because I live under the guidance of Christ and the Mission of sharing Him wherever I am in whatever I do. This eliminates the looming aspect of being destined for a specific place despite my heart’s pull towards another direction with out the fear of disobeying God and reaping the harvest of a bad decision the rest of my life. In a nutshell: God guides through an individual’s heart with inherent skills and desires he gives them.

I do fear that the Christian environment that I have been a part of for so long will believe that to put such an emphasis on secular schooling and profession is not Godly or eternal. But I cannot refuse my heart’s cry and that is for Christ but in a different context than what I originally thought. I really don't believe that this is ungodly or making a wrong choice anymore.

I apologize for the lengthy email, but it just couldn't be done more succinctly. I would really appreciate your honest thoughts and criticisms. You are our dear friends and your advice & correction etc are cherished.

Con cariño,

Jason and Naomi